Broken Parent

Hello friends and family,

Those that know me the best know that I am constantly worrying. I'm like an Old English Granny rolled up into the body of a stunningly handsome twenty-nine year old. Ha ha ha ha, I made myself laugh on that one. What I really want to say is this. Since Ruth has gotten preggers I have gone into overdrive worrying about the baby. Everything Ruth does I question as to whether its good for the baby or not. I nag her about everything. I told her she shouldn't do hairspray or wear under-arm deodorant. I make sure she is eating properly. I'm pretty sure that she is getting a little frustrated. I can be overwhelming to say the least. I was reading an article the other day on parenting. The writer talked about the need of parents to be perfect and feeling like failures as parents if they don't measure up to their own standards. I can see myself falling into that category. I can see myself raising the bar so high for my kids and my expectations of how my children should turn out that I can only be disappointed. The writer of the article concluded that the best thing we can do is lead and point them to Jesus. You see I am a broken person. I will never be the perfect parent. I'm going to mess up. I'm going to fail miserably. But there is one thing I can do and that's lead them to Jesus who was broken for me and broken for them. I have this need to be in control. But I am constantly reminded that God is in control. I don't have to worry because Jesus' father holds me, my wife, and my baby in the palm of his hand.

Cravings, Sickness, etc...

When all my friends had their babies, I didn't understand the whole cravings, sickness, smells thing. Man, do I ever now!!! I have never been so turned off of smells, textures & most foods ever in my life. The worst ones?? Raw Meat, any strong spices (garlic, onion, chicken broth...weird I know), dish cloths and much more. Most smells make me dry heave, including smells I like, which I don't understand. Although I've only puked twice from morning sickness (excluding the 24 hr. flu I had), I dry heave about 6-10 times a day.

As for cravings, I want apple juice & ginger ale all the time. I've been eating alot of Safeway's Roast Chicken (this works well for me, cause I don't have to prepare raw chicken), fruit (mostly apples & strawberries), peanut butter on waffles, fruit snacks, cereal, almonds & cheese strings. I don't have hardly any appetite, but I feel like I'm eating constantly to keep the nausea in check. The one thing that I crave so much, but I'm bummed that I can't have all the time is Vitamin C vitamins...its the weirdest thing. I hated taking them before I was pregnant, but now I want them all the time....I take 2 a day...but I wait until I want them so bad! haha...so weird.

I sleep ALOT! I nap once or twice a day and by 10pm, I'm so exhausted! People tell me that if I feel I need to rest, then I need to listen to my body, so thats what I'm doing.

Emotions are high too. I cry at everything, get overwhelmed easy & need lots of hugs from Mark. Poor guy! He has been absolutely amazing. He's very protective which I think is the cutest thing ever. I am so grateful to have him in my life.

We are in the midst of some big changes in our life, which are pretty overwhelming. Please pray for us, that we will make the right choices & do the very best things for our 'growing' family!
Thanks to all you who are thinking about & praying for us.
We are very, very grateful.

First Ultrasound

Today was our first ultrasound....and it was amazing!! We saw the baby's tiny little heart beating...and its head and bum....SO CUTE!!!! I'm still in shock! The baby is so tiny and yet its little heart was beating! The tech let us hear it! I've never been so in love with a sound in all my life! I wanted to record it and play it over and over! I know, I'm gushing right now, but I can't help myself! I'm in love!!! Mark and I are just in awe of the little life that is growing inside, we are in a constant state of joy!

The Beginning...

Is this even real? I'm still in a constant state of shock! I am grateful, amazed and totally blown away. I've dreamt of this a very long time! And God is so faithful!

How it all went down:
I had been experiencing some sore 'body parts' (that accompanies pregnancy) for about 2 months, and I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a condition and given medication. I had taken it for 4 days and the meds hadn't touched the pain at all. I was also feeling really gross, like pukey, exhausted etc... Mark was at Safeway grabbing some roast chicken for dinner. I was lying on the couch and it all of a sudden hit me, "Maybe I should take a pregnancy test, just in case." So, Mark grabbed a test and I took it as soon as he came home. There were 2 bright red lines immediately. I yelled for Mark to come into the bathroom. After 8 years of trying and probably close to 100 tests, you don't believe your eyes. Mark confirmed what I had seen, and we just kind of stared at each other. I didn't want to trust just one test, so Mark went and got 2 more tests. While he was gone, I phoned the nurses health line and spoke with a pharmacist. I wanted to check that the medicine I was taking wouldn't give me a false positive. The pharmacist confirmed that wouldn't happen, so when Mark arrived with the other tests and they were both immediately positive, we phoned my sister and parents to come over.
Leah wouldn't just come over, so I had to make it seem like Mark and I had something serious to talk about with the family. She later told us that she thought Mark had terminal cancer.
When Leah got to our house, she was visibly tense & anxious. She said, 'whats going on? I hate things like this. Are you pregnant?' When I held up the test, she grabbed it and we lost it!! 8 years of emotions! lol! When mom & dad arrived, we sat them down and gave them each a wrapped pregnancy test labeled 'Grandpa' & 'Grandma'....mom went into full blown hysteria....frantically ripping at the wrapping & screaming 'Oh please, oh please....don't be joking!!!' After a lot of hugs, tears and screaming, we started talking about how to announce it and when to tell people. Mark really didn't want to tell people until we had the doctors confirmation, which I totally agreed with. But Mom & Dad were leaving for PG on the Monday, so they wouldn't be here when we told the church. So I phoned the hospital to see if I could come in to do a test. They said that unless it was an emergency, there was no way. But my dad wouldn't take no for an answer, so he went to the hospital to speak with the doctor. When he got there, he burst into tears again, which caused the doctor to think that somebody had died. But when dad finally got it out, the doctor agreed to let me come and take the test. So, we piled into the car and went to the hospital for our 4th test of the night. I took the test and then Mark and I had to wait in the back room, while Mom and Dad waited in the waiting room. The doctor came in and started telling us about taking prenatal vitamins and not taking part in contact sports. I was like, so........'Oh yes, its a positive positive' he said, in his cute little voice! I could have squeezed him! He said congratulations, told us that a pregnant woman is a healthy woman & that I needed to get rest & not be stressed. I just couldn't stop grinning. I thought I would be a blubbering mess, but my cheeks just ached from smiling! Was this really happening? Were we really going to have a baby, after all this time?? It was so incredible to me, that I just kind of entered this dazed happiness, that I still haven't gotten out of.

We are now celebrating the faithfulness of God. His perfect answer. His incredible grace!